In my Hurt People Hurt People blog I mentioned that I’d been dealing with hypomania. The general bipolar cycle shows with depression following a manic episode and many times corresponds to a similar extreme.
Well that’s what I’m dealing with now. The depression cheat sheet I made for this past Friday was actually a way of helping myself from falling into a deep depression. It worked really well last Thursday when I tried it! And I truly believe I prevented a steep spiral downward by using it.
Basically since Thursday I’ve probably been depressed in the technical sense. But for the most part I’ve been decent. I was able to complete things on my todo list and yes, it was at a slightly slower pace than normal but that’s good for depression!! I also had some good moments of real joy and happiness.
Then came Saturday and Saturday started out decent but I quickly realized I had hit my max. After a few almost meltdowns I was feeling pretty rough. That deep depression had hit.
Nothing sounded good or fun. Self care and hygiene became a chore. And the only thing I could do was lay around on the couch. To be honest I didn’t enjoy that either it was just the only thing that seemed doable.
Then I remembered the cheat sheet again. I almost resisted. I really didn’t want to do that especially not while I felt awful. But something in me, the little bit of hope that was left I guess, nudged me enough to at least try it again.
I opened blinds and the sun flooded in. It really was beautiful and warm too. Then I drank almost an entire bottle of water. It was refreshing and I needed it and I hadn’t even realized how thirsty I was. And down the list I went, adjusting as necessary. I’ll be honest with you. I’m still pretty depressed. But! After working through that cheat sheet it was less bad. I was able to do laundry and cook food for myself rather than waste away on the couch like I’d done that morning.
So I guess this blog is two fold. One, to tell you I’ve tested the cheat sheet and it really does help. In fact I’ll probably keep doing it daily until I work out of this funk. And you should definitely click one of the four times (haha) I linked to that post and get your copy too!
And two, I’m depressed. I’m not necessarily that sad. I’m mostly just apathetic, unmotivated, and lonely. And when things do make me sad it’s extra intense right now. But because of that I don’t have a proper blog post for this Sunday. This is it. I appreciate each and every one of you and I hope you have a great week! I’ve already had a snack and now I’ll take a long nap.
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